It’s been 3 years…
September 30th marks three years of being divorced, single, and out on my own again. It’s ironic that I was married on the same day that my divorce finalized. How’s that for a strange twist of fate?
It also marks 3 years of budgeting, paying down debt and living frugally. I had envisioned that by this time I would have my debt paid off and have a place of my own. My shopaholic ways got the better of me right after my divorce and postponed my debt free date by a year. My debt free date is August 2014.
Divorce. What can I say? It’s an emotional rollercoaster.
Even if you are the one that makes the decision to leave, it can still be an emotionally charged time. Fear. Excitement. Sadness. It’s a pretty mixed bag of emotions and it takes time to heal.
I was very lucky that my ex and I ended things amicably. No fuss, no muss, no courtroom drama. For the most part, we agreed on how things would be split. I’m thankful for how things went and that I didn’t lose any of my RRSP savings that I solely contributed to. We mutually agreed that each of us would keep our debts, our savings and our cars; no need to split those. What we did split up was the proceeds from the sale of our house, furniture and other household items. In the case of furniture and household items, I got the short end of the stick, but I wanted out and it was a choice I was willing to make and accept.
Even if it is your choice, divorce is by no means easy. Your finances, emotional well-being, and lifestyle are all in for a big change.
Ending a relationship that I had been in for 12 years was a big decision; it meant leaving behind all the comfort and security I was used to. Leaving also meant regaining my identity.
I wouldn’t trade for a minute what I did three years ago, walking away from that situation was the best thing I could have done. Sure, being single again in your mid-thirties sucks, but it also has some big advantages. I now have the opportunity to discover my true self, better understand who I am as an individual and start fresh writing a new life story.
I’m a piping hot mess.
I loved that line from Iron Man 3; it’s fitting for my situation today. I am a bit of a mess but at the same time, I have my shit together. I know, it’s an oxymoron but it is possible to have it together and still be a mess.
On having it together – I have a plan for my finances, I am working towards debt freedom and I don’t spend more than I make. For the most part, I know what I want out of life as well.
On being a mess – I am scared shitless, but who isn’t?
Why am I scared?
- I have nowhere near the dollar amount I should have saved in my RRSP for my age. That is scary. I don’t want to be eating cat food when I’m eighty.
- I may be alone for the rest of my life and I may have lost the chance to have children. No one likes to be alone. Yes, you can be surrounded by friends but still feel alone.
It’s a day-to-day struggle at times, dealing with your finances, sticking to a budget and trying to control impulse spending; all on your own. We all have our little vices and indulgences, mine are obvious – fashion, travel and the occasional glass of wine.
Part of the financial struggle as a single is that you have no one else to collaborate with to work through some of the situations that come up. Then again, that’s what being a strong, independent woman means, having the gumption to go it on your own and keep it together. Even a strong woman occasionally needs a support group to fall back on; it’s important to build up a strong support system, whether it is family, friends or a blogger circle of friends. Thank you to everyone – you know who you are 🙂
The Future…The Possibilities are Endless
[quote style=”boxed”] Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero[/quote]
What many of us fail to remember is that the possibilities are endless. We become trapped into a stale way of thinking, or the comforts of life, and forget that we can change it up any time we want. Becoming debt free increases that potential exponentially.
I fell into this mental trap – the stalemate.
We create our own demons; we manufacture them by being afraid of life. I realize that today of all days, I need to change things in my life again.
I love experiments and testing things out in life, so, I give you my new plan, Project Clean Slate.
It is exactly what it says, starting over from scratch. In my mind, it’s a physical, mental, emotional and financial reboot of sorts. I have reached the bottom of the past three years and need to step it up a few notches. For the past few days, I’ve reminisced on the past three years. Specifically, I remember my turning point, where I was at my best both physically and in my spiritual outlook. It was a fantastic feeling, as if the world was in the palm of my hands.
I want that feeling back and I am going to work like a dog to get it back.
I will get my body back into top form again. My health is important to my mental and spiritual outlook.
I will regain the permanent state of happiness, positivity and joy that I used to feel.
I am a strong, confident, independent woman and I will get what I want from my life.
If you’re divorced, single, in debt and a strong, independent woman, know that you are not alone. There are other women, like myself, that are struggling to go it on their own too.
We can achieve financial freedom and we can get what we want from life; even if it’s just us on our own.
“I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar”