I love writing. It’s a way for me to share ideas, get thoughts on paper, to communicate. Sadly, words have eluded me. Well, not entirely. The words are there but they’re elusive.
I’ve always been a communicator, a storyteller. For months now I’ve been frustrated with my inability or lack of desire to share, to write. I’ve started this post four times and ended up with three sort of okay drafts. They looked more like someone threw up their emotional brain all over the page. I’d prefer not to subject you to that. It’s been in my planner for months on end, a simple word written on each weekly page:
Each week the pleas became louder and more strenuous. Sometimes I’d use profuse amounts of punctuation to get the point across to my brain. Nothing worked. I would sit and stare at a blank page for an hour, or I’d vomit emotions all over the page. My body was depleted of….everything.
What I needed was time.
So I gave myself time.
But let’s backtrack a little. When I was ceremoniously downsized from my job last year, I was a stressed out, burnt out, unhealthy ball of yuck. The negative energy that I had been surrounded with finally stabbed to death all remaining positive affirmations I was using to keep myself afloat. All the gratitude, platitudes, affirmations and meditations weren’t cutting it.
I wallowed. I escaped. I withdrew. I dove head first into a new job search because that’s what the government says you’re supposed to do when you’re on employment insurance. It’s the “normal” thing to do, find a new job and continue on slaving away towards retirement.
The universe (and my soul for that matter), however, had different plans. I couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling and nervous anxiety that went through my entire body with each interview, follow up interview and discussion I had with recruiters. I had been ignoring the road signs from the universe. They’re like those big construction signs you see at the side of the highway, but instead of saying CONSTRUCTION AHEAD, it said: ROAD CLOSED AHEAD.
Followed by: WAKE UP. PLEASE. WAKE UP. NOW.
After seven months of trying to ignore my gut, my heart, the feelings within, I committed to listening to my heart. I made the decision to give this writing thing a go, and to start consulting, to have multiple streams of income.
Two months ago, I got myself out of the house to do some window shopping and something interesting happened – here’s the short version: The salesperson asked me what I did for a living and without hesitation, I proclaimed: “I’m a freelance writer and photographer”. And I felt great. It felt outstanding to say that. One sentence, a few words, made me feel like I was able to fly. It filled me with joy. There was no nervous anxiety or feeling of paddling upstream in violent rapids.
I FELT EUPHORIC.
I made a mental note of it. Of that amazing feeling. Immediately I knew, that’s the way I want to feel. It’s what I’ve been put here to do, it’s what I am meant to do.
So here I am. Committed to writing, blogging, photography and sharing the world as I see it. I’m creating my own job, because honestly, the job market sucks out there. I’m coming out the other side of unemployment slowly, working my way to full-time blogger, freelance writer and photographer. We’ll see what the future holds.
Thanks for sticking around.
(P.S. There are some exciting changes coming in the next few weeks, some that I’ve mentioned previously. I can’t wait to share them with you.)